Immortals – Style over . . . well anything really

‘Immortals’ tells the story of Theseus (Henry Cavill), a peasant who is chosen by the Gods to defeat the evil King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) and stop him getting his hands on the magical ‘Epirus Bow’, with which he could cause all amount of trouble for both the mortals and the ‘immortals’ (the Gods).

Now the plots is, well . . . stupid, frankly; hopping about all over the place, from boring set-piece to boring set-piece. But worst of all it’s predictable, which is always going to be a problem if your main character has a story arc that we’ve seen a million times before.
The performances are also seriously lacking, especially from Mickey Rourke who seems to be back to his worst. He’s fallen from the soaring heights of ‘The Wrestler’, and spends his time growling and just generally crushing any redeemable features of the film with his own two gnarled hands.
But hey-ho, what does it matter, the amazing action compensates for the paper-thin plot. Right? Well not really, no; with ridiculous violence and an unnecessary volume of blood-shed, the action lacked any ‘wow’ factor, unlike, say, ‘300’. The films art style, while occasionally interesting, felt far too shiny and clean, and really lacked the edge, or the ‘grittiness’, of Zach Synder’s slow-mo drenched epic.
However, through all this doom and gloom there was a faint ray of light, in the form of Henry Cavill. When Zach Snyder (300 again, sorry) announced him as his lead for his Superman reboot, ‘Man of Steel’, my hopes weren’t exactly high. At that point, I’d never heard of the man, but he is one of the best things in ‘Immortals’; he has a good screen presence, looked the part, and just generally did the job well.
So what can I say, if you like blood spurting into your face in tacky 3D, and shiny, half-naked Greek men, then, by all means, watch Immortals. However, if you are a bit fed up of mythological ‘epics’, and can see past the surface gloss, then don’t; it takes itself way too seriously and Mickey Rourke’s growling is awful. But hey, Man of Steel might be good.

★★

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