DUMPSTER DIVING #5: Delta Force 2 Review – F**k You, Chuck

The phenomenon of Chuck Norris jokes has always fascinated me.

Kids pick up these jokes from older kids on their bus, and there you go, they’re set for life. They have a simple piece of comedic maths; you think of something impossible, say Chuck Norris can, or has, done it and you’ve got a joke. Here are some examples:
Chuck Norris counted to infinity . . . . . twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Or even,
Chuck Norris grew up in the 21stcentury without ever hearing a Chuck Norris joke.

But what do these kids actually know about the man?
Most could probably tell you he has a beard. Some could even go as far as telling you he has a ginger/auburn beard.
So he is just a guy with a beard? Is there no other reason he has become the butt of thousands of jokes?
Well, he was in a load of action movies . . . or some shit like that.
That was me up until a few months ago. You could count the things I knew about Chuck on the hand of a man who’s had one of his fingers kicked off in an episode of ‘Walker, Texas Ranger’.

But, as I say, that was up until a few nights ago. For now I can go back to school boasting that I’ve actually seen a Chuck Norris movie . . . and, for that, I’ll be worshipped like a God.
The movie in question is a certain Delta Force 2, subtitled ‘The Columbian Connection’, and it’s rubbish. So, please don’t waste your time watching it.

Talking about not wasting ones time on atrocious cinema, I’m going to keep this brief.
  • The action is downright boring.
  • Chuck is not much better (he seems to deliver every line in exactly the same way).
  • I find it amazing that an action movie with so many explosions and gunshots can be so dull.
  • And whatever you do, please hide your kids from the slimy bastard of villain.
But the biggest disappointment of all is Norris himself. Whatever childish fantasy I had dreamed up about what a Chuck Norris movie would be, it wasn’t this. Far from it.

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